dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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