she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Rumble strips road head = magical
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
third nipple confirmed
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
