I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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