"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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