the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
