her vagine was all disorganized.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
