Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize