found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
