I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize