i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
