Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
