Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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