I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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