oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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