I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
