yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
