You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
