He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
