Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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