My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You don't make any sense
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