I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
