Barsexuality is the new black.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
