How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
