Got a toothbrush?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
