I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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