fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
