Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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