I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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