I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
