She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
