you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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