saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
