he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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