fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
