This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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