real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Everyone says I win the strip club
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
