it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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