So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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