i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
