If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I did not marry a roomba.
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