He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
