is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
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That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
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Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
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