my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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