My room smells like vodka and shame
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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