I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
