So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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