I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
