Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Did you pee in the oven last night??
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
