1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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