It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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