I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm bleeding and have questions
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize