Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
