So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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