Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
