i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
