i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
