i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
