last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
