i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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