He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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