I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
