I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize