i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
