They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
