Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
