when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
